There’s nothing like
MediaStorm to either question or affirm your chosen path in life. The existential thing about it, though, is which one of those things it makes you do: question or affirm. It’s not predetermined. Does the power of the simple stories in
Driftless make you strive to tell those same stories? Then you’re destined for the road traveled only by those with Nikons or Canons over their shoulders and transport tickets in their pockets. Does the poignant lesson of
Evidence of My Existence make you think that all the so-called accomplishments of the job are nothing compared to the “pudgy landscapes” of your own child? Then you’ll probably stay closer to home, finding a calling that both tells the still stories while meaning the world to at least two other people.
This is the first time I’ve watched both of those documentaries (multimedia presentations? works of awesomeness impossible to make until the last two decades?) all the way through, and along with
Love in the First Person, I’m left with the aforementioned dilemma. It might just be because I’m only 21 (although Jim Lo Scalzo went to India in his teens), but I haven’t yet decided what the site is telling me. It’s like a good teacher who shows you the good and the bad of a profession in its entirety (e.g. Jim Kelly) and then effectively says, “Your move.” I can’t make my move yet.
What’s keeping me from moving? I’ve already become a pretty good photojournalist, although I’ve hit a news-reporting slump here in Madrid and I’ve yet to report a story that hits people in the gut. I’m almost guaranteed a photo editor position at the
IDS, although my own sudden appearance at the paper last year keeps me worried that someone will trump me. I’ve started to build up the travel credentials, although last summer in London was for a science p.r. internship and this spring in Madrid is for my second major. I’ve started pretty well down the photog path, and yet I haven’t gone anywhere and I’m taking other paths.
I guess that’s what’s keeping me from moving. I’ve helped myself and thwarted myself with my choices so far. I can take every opportunity to the highest level and get something no one else can get (inside access to a comedy competition, official photographer for the first stage adaptation of
Dr. Horrible) while at the same time being a putz and letting those same opportunities pass me by (Jim Kelly’s photo story, nearly every relationship). But sometimes those opportunities are lost because I’m doing things I really want to do (study in Spain, keep my sanity amidst the work). I still haven’t figured out a way to determine for sure whether an opportunity is worth taking or not.
...Whoops. I thought I
effectively gave up English for Lent. I’m sure God can forgive this crisis of existence a week into the season. After not doing anything all day besides letting my lungs cough themselves up, I didn’t have anything better to do than some self-reflection.
And sorry for the lack of a satisfying ending. I guess art imitates life.
